The Longest Walk
by secretmonkey
Summary: Some snippets of Karmy friendship through the years as Amy prepares to do something very important for her best friend.


The last time it happens, they're twenty-seven and it's the hardest thing Amy has ever had to do.

"I can't," she says to Shane. "I just fucking _can't_."

Shane nods and 'hmmm's in all the right spots as he takes one last go at her hair. It's down and it's been months since she's worn it in anything but a ponytail or that half-assed bun thing she does for when she's on rounds and he's doing the best he can, but he's no miracle worker.

"You don't understand," she says. She tries to turn to look at him but he grips her by the shoulders and turns her back around. "I… I can't do this. I know she'll kill me and hate me and we'll never speak again but… I _can't_."

"Stop fidgeting," he mutters, holding the thin comb against her hair. "This is hard enough when you're standing still and if you keep moving I'm liable to rip some of this… _straw_... out of your head."

Amy stills but only for a moment.

" _You_ have to tell her," she says. "She'll listen to you."

Shane pauses in mid-comb and she can't see him but she knows his eyes have reached cartoon proportions of wide.

"She'll listen to _me_?" Shane asks. "Me?" He shakes his head. " _Me?"_

Amy hangs her head. "OK," she says. "Probably not." She twists around to look at him. "But Shane, you don't understand. I ca -"

"I get it, I get it," he says. "You can't. Right." He turns her back around, _again_ , and tries to figure out where to start. "But you kinda _have to_ , cause you kinda said you _would_ and really, today is kinda the _worst_ day you could possibly choose to decide you _can't_ , and _will you sit still before you lose hair and stop wrinkling the fucking suit."_

She sighs and sits up, her back straight and her head high and it feels weird and almost painful and she curses, yet again, that she's developed med student posture. She's used to bending over patients and catching five minute naps in far too tiny on-call room beds and wearing scrubs on a near 24/7 basis so this suit is just…. _weird_.

But then, _everything_ about this is weird.

It's Karma's wedding day. What else would she expect?

* * *

The first time it happens, they're seven and Amy falls at school. She's trying to climb a tree on the edge of the playground (and _trying_ isn't the right word cause she _has_ climbed it, she's kicked it's ass and maybe it's trying to get even and that's why it happens). It's the same tree Mrs. Dempsey gave everyone strict orders to avoid because it's rotted and dying and they're scheduled to come take it out within the week.

Even at seven, telling a group of kids _not_ to do something is basically the equivalent of hanging up a neon sign screaming _DO THIS NOW!_ so, of course, they do and Amy, even though she knows better, is right there with them all.

Because Karma is.

Even at seven, Amy senses a pattern forming but she loves the little redhead so, really, what's she gonna do?

The boys go first because when you're seven and there's something physical and dangerous to be done, that's how it works. And even then, even before she knows what the words heteronormativity and patriarchal society even mean (and really, even at twenty-seven, she's not always so fucking sure) Amy knows _that's_ some bullshit.

And yes, at seven, she does know what 'some bullshit' means and she can totally thank stepdad number one ( _Francis_ ) who makes up for his lack of height, muscle, and all around stature (the only thing manly about him is the 'pattern baldness') by mixing in a liberal dose of every curse word he knows into every conversation.

(Until Bruce, he'll always be Amy's favorite, if only for that.)

The boys hit the tree in small groups, like packs of squirrels darting up and over and around the branches, dropping leaves like snow and not a one of them (not a _single_ one) falls or stumbles or gets so much as a hang nail.

The girls go after the boys (that bullshit again) and there's only four of them in the class anyway, and the first two, Rachel Waters and Samantha West, take it together. They make it look easy, even easier than the boys (and Amy's only _not_ proud because she _hates_ both of them and their _prissy_ ways and you can thank Francis for that word too.) They scale the beast with ease, daring each other higher and higher, quickly outdistancing even the supposedly bravest of the boys before descending back down.

Samantha's feet haven't even hit the ground before she turns on Karma, her favorite target.

"You won't do it," she says and there's a sneer to her voice (if not on her face) and Amy, as always, has the almost irresistible urge to punch her in the face. "You're a chicken shit," she says and all of them (especially the boys) 'oooooh!' at the burn.

The worst of it? They all know she's right. Samantha is invulnerable here, impervious, the bully that can't ever be put in her place because no _way_ , no _how_ is Karma climbing that tree. She's been afraid of heights since Amy's known her and _everyone_ ' _s_ seen her freeze at the top of the slide and the tree is like three slides stacked on top of each other.

"Chicken _shit_ ," Samantha says again, getting right up in Karma's face. "What's the matter, _Asscroft_? Isn't there some hippie dippie angel that can come float you up to the top?"

Amy sees Karma visibly deflate, like every bit of air in her body is sucked out into the atmosphere. Her parents are her weak point, they always have been. Karma loves them but she's embarrassed by them and she's _ashamed_ of _that_ , so it's like Samantha's getting three shots for one and that's about all Amy can take.

She wants to punch her. Punch her right in the face.

But Samantha's about four inches taller and twenty pounds heavier and will one day captain the girls' field hockey team so a punch is ill advised.

So, instead, Amy climbs.

She's quick and she's lithe and her devotion to Karma outweighs any fear and it's like a shot of pure adrenaline (and Amy _knows_ what _that_ feels like) and she's up the tree in record time. She outdoes the boys with ease, quickly scampering past Rachel's high point and then even Samantha's.

She's the Queen of the Jungle, the Jane that just kicked Tarzan's ass and she doesn't have to look down to know Samantha's fuming and that's the only incentive (that and the smile she knows it will put on Karma's face) Amy needs to push it one last little bit.

She scoots out on what she thinks is fairly sturdy and thick branch, standing tall, arms outstretched and she's Kate fucking Winslet on the bow of the ship and she can't help crying out.

"I'm the Queen of the World!"

Except she only gets through 'Queen of' before the branch cracks and gives way and though she manages to catch herself halfway down, just for a moment, she still hits hard enough to break her leg in two places, dislocate her elbow and scream loud enough to send every one of them running (kids _away_ , teachers _toward_ ).

It's the worst pain Amy's ever endured and she's pretty sure she's going to die (she doesn't) but Karma stays by her side the _entire_ time and Samantha leaves them both alone for the rest of the year.

So _totally_ worth it.

* * *

The last time it happens, they're twenty-seven and Amy's wearing a suit for the first time since prom.

It feels weird and funny and like it doesn't fit right even though Shane says it's perfect and Lauren had her seamstress tailor it for her and even Karma, who had to have everything just _so_ , was fucking speechless when she saw it.

But fuck all does it itch.

"It shouldn't itch like this," Amy says and Shane rolls his eyes cause for a _doctor_ sometimes Amy can be so fucking _dumb_. "I must be allergic or something," she says. "You have to go tell her. I can't be up there itching and scratching and shit."

"It doesn't itch," Shane says. He's tucked the comb away cause he's done the best he can and really, even at her worst Amy is still _Amy_ and it isn't like every eye in the place will be on _her_ anyway.

"It _does_ ," she says, fingers working at a spot right below her shoulder. "It itches and I can't go up there like this. I should've worn a dress. That's all there is to it. I mean, I didn't even wear a suit to the fune…"

She trails off and both of them stand there, the silence heavy between them. Shane's quiet because he never knows what to say in these sorts of situations (he's great with _drama_ but not so much with the real) and Amy… well…

It sort of brings it home for her.

"I have to do this, don't I?"

Shane nods. "You promised her," he says. "And it's what he would've wanted. Probably what he would've wanted even if he _was_ here."

Amy laughs. "Would've been easier for him to cry that way," she says. "And _God_ , would he have cried."

"Do you remember graduation?" Shane asks. "I thought Penelope was going to have to stop the ceremony he was so _loud_."

Amy remembers. She remembers Karma's face turning as red as her hair and the way everyone in the audience (except Farrah) turned to look.

"It was sweet," she says. "You and I would've killed for someone to cry like that for us."

"He _did_ cry like that for you," Shane reminds her. "His 'other daughter', remember?"

Amy nods and settles down on the small bench in front of the mirror. "I can't do this," she says again even though she knows she has to and she knows this time it isn't for any of the thousand feelings running around inside her. "I can't replace him," she says.

"You're not," Karma's voice comes from the doorway and Amy looks up to see her in the mirror as Shane slips out, leaving the two of them alone.

* * *

The second time it happens, they're eleven and Karma's got her first crush.

His name is Billy (because of course it is) and every time he passes her in the hall at school her stomach does flips.

"It's the butterflies," she tells Amy. "You get them when you like someone. They fly around and around and then, when you finally get the chance to talk to that person? They come rushing out and make the most beautiful words you've ever said."

Her father told her that and eleven-year-old Karma (not unlike her older counterparts to come) is so in love with being in love that it doesn't matter that it's about the most ridiculous thing Lucas has ever said.

 _All_ that matters are those flips.

So Karma waits. And waits. And waits for the day, the _moment_ she will finally get to talk to Billy because she knows when that day comes, the butterflies will erupt.

And they do.

They erupt all over Billy's best polo shirt in tiny bits of 'butterfly' that look frighteningly like bits of school cafeteria hot dog and tiny hunks of Molly's special brownies (not the _special_ ones though).

There's more girls in the class this time and the greater numbers have only made them more mean and this time it's Rachel leading the pack, every puke-slash-vomit-slash- throwup related nickname she can think of locked and loaded and ready to fly and Amy can see her coming, ready to cut Karma down before she's even gotten cleaned up.

But Amy's there (she's _always_ there) and right next to a kid she doesn't know by name (she thinks it's Stan or Steve or… something with an 'S' and _that_ 's so _not_ the point) but she can see it on his face and in the way his skin's gone green and his eyes are rolling back and she knows he's teetering on the brink.

It's just a little nudge. The lightest of hip checks as she moves past him, just _enough_ to knock him off balance and forward and his foot slips in 'butterfly' on the floor and that's it, he's off to the races and that sets off another one next to him and then one next to him and then it's a puke parade and when a bit of it splatters onto Rachel's new sandals (no open toed shoes in school, _bitch_ ) it's just enough of a distraction for Amy to hustle Karma to the nurse and out of the line of fire.

She'll find that boy and apologize later, she thinks. Whatever his name was.

* * *

The last time it happens, Amy doesn't think she can do it.

She can't… she's not Lucas (obviously) and she can't bring herself to do this cause as right as she knows it is (Todd's a great guy, the best Karma's dated _by far_ and Amy knows he'd die for her) it just feels….

 _Wrong_.

Karma floats into the room and that's _really_ what she does, her dress cascading behind her like a foamy wave crashing on the beach. Her bouquet is clenched between her fingers and she won't put it down and Amy knows _that's_ to hide her trembling fingers.

"I'm sorry," she says. "I didn't mean to make it sound like I thought I was… I know no one could ever… I…" Amy stares at the floor. "Fuck," she mutters.

"Amy!" The blonde's head snaps up at the tone of Karma's voice. "You're in a _church_!"

They stare at each other for a long beat before Karma finally cracks, the laughter shaking her whole body and when she's done (and Amy finishes giving her the ' _really?'_ look) her hands are still.

She settles down on the bench next to Amy. "I know what you meant," she says. "And I know you would never think you were… replacing him." She tosses the bouquet onto the table in front of the mirror and they both stare into the glass. "Shane was right. This is what he would want. He'd want it to be you."

Amy nods but she knows Lucas wouldn't want _this_. He'd want to be here, he'd want to be watching this from the front row not from… well..

Wherever.

"Actually," Karma says, "this isn't _exactly_ what he'd want." There's a smile playing at the corner of her lips and Amy knows it's nothing but trouble. "What he'd _really_ want is for it to be you. Up there, standing across from me, saying those vows."

Amy rolls her eyes as the both smile at the thought, at the way Karma's father never could bring himself to give up on Karmy.

"I think Todd might have a problem with that," Amy says. "And I'm guessing Anna might too."

Karma chuckles. "Anna and Amy and soon baby to make three… got a name yet? Another 'A'?"

Amy rolls her eyes. Her pregnant wife's family is so frighteningly big on the whole 'A' thing and she can't figure out how she didn't know that _before_ they got married. "There's a list of them on the fridge," she says. "'A' this, 'A' that. It's like I'm trapped in _Pretty Little Liars_."

Karma cracks up again and leans her head on the blonde's shoulder, careful not to mess up either of their hair (even on her wedding day she knows better than to risk the wrath of Shane).

"Can you believe it?" she asks, staring into the mirror and seeing two much younger faces staring back. "My wedding day. Sometimes… I never thought…"

Amy can see the tears welling in her best friend's eyes, the ones she knows are for her lost father, for all the lousy luck she's had in love, and for the simple joy of finally knowing she's found the one. Karma might have been the last of them to find it, but Amy's pretty sure her love might just be the strongest for it.

"Thank you," Karma says. "For… everything. For being my best friend and my family and for never giving up on me."

Amy blinks her eyes trying to quell the tears before they make a mess of her makeup. "Like _that_ could ever happen," she says. "I told you… we're soulmates." She stands up, holding out a hand to Karma. "Come on," she says, hoping her voice sounds stronger than she feels. "Let's get you hitched."

* * *

It happens again when they're sixteen (and more than a few times before that too) and they're on the road to being fixed after Liam and Reagan and Wade and Pussy Explosion and tonight, Amy's going on a date.

It's a blind date that Shane set up (and _sometimes_ , Amy wonders if her remembers who made him puke when he was twelve and if, somehow, he does things like this to get even with her) and the girl (Kristen) is supposed to be _exactly_ Amy's type, even if neither Karma nor Amy can figure out how Shane knows her type when even Amy doesn't.

Though she has settled that it _isn't_ Karma and that's been better for both of them.

Lauren's in Dallas visiting her dad and Shane's at work so Karma's on wardrobe duty because, let's face it, Amy? Dress herself? For a _first date_?

Does she want there to be a second one?

Karma's tossing things to and fro, holding up one outfit after another. A shirt here, a dress there and Amy watches from the bed, wondering what Shane (and Karma) will do to her if she cancels at the last minute.

"You're not cancelling," Karma says and Amy wonders, not for the first time, if that's some weird magic Molly taught her, some way to read her mind. "And no," Karma says, sifting through another pile of shirts in a vain search for… _something_. "I can't read your mind."

Mind reading or not… it's fucking _spooky_.

Karma finally finds her something to wear that's at least presentable and she hustles Amy out the door promptly at six, promising to wait for her. "I'll be upstairs just waiting for the full debrief," she says, "with cookies and a specially selected rom com on Netflix."

Amy takes a deep breath and nods but then turns back to say something only to find Karma's closed the door (the door to her _own_ house) in her face.

"Get going!" she shouts from the other side and she waits until Amy's in the car and out of the driveway before she heads back upstairs.

Karma shuts the door to Amy's room behind her and leans against it, her eyes sweeping over this place she's spent as much time in as her own room. She drops down onto the edge of Amy's bed, her hands on her knees, at a total loss as to what she should be doing.

She stays there, in that spot, for a long while before she finally crawls back up the bed, settling down against the pillows and clapping the lights off. The stars glow on the ceiling and she stares up at them, her eyes tracing over the patterns and shapes she knows so well.

"There's Orion," she says softly. "And the Big Dipper. And the Little…"

She trails off as her vision blurs, the tears coming from nowhere and she doesn't know why she's crying but she _is_ and she _can't stop_ and she doesn't, not until sleep finally comes and _that's_ where Amy finds her when she gets home, flush with excitement and ready to tell all

(her name is Kristen and she's seventeen and she's seen every documentary on the slave trade in Bangladesh and she's got the softest lips and Amy thinks she might even drop a 'like two tiny tempurpedics' line just to hear Karma groan)

but then she sees Karma and the duvet pulled up under her chin and all the tiny spots on it, the tracks of her best friend's tears.

Amy crawls in beside her and pulls Karma close, ignoring the half a dozen texts Shane bombs her phone with and even the two from Kristen hoping she had a good time and that they can do it again soon.

She doesn't call her back for a week until Karma does it for her ("she's been sick, the flu and the plague and something that makes you lose your voice but she's _better now_ ") and the night of their second date Karma helps her pick out her outfit again and wishes her luck and a good time and watches her head off.

And then Karma goes home and sleeps in her own bed. Alone.

But not in her heart.

* * *

The last time it happens, Amy and Karma stand in front of the door of the chapel, all their words exchanged and all that's left is the long walk.

The longest of Amy's life.

They stand there, waiting for the bridal march to begin, and Amy can envision it all, everything beyond those doors.

Liam, somewhere in the back with his wife (Tracey? Tawney? Tammy?) and their four kids and the bags under his eyes and the frazzled posture of a man who knows he could have had something so much better.

(She tries to feel bad for him, really she does.)

And then Shane and David and Lauren and Matt and Mrs. Ashcroft (with the framed near poster sized picture of Mr. Ashcroft next to her) and then Anna, six months swollen on the end (the pregnant lady always gets an aisle seat).

She can see them all just like she can see Todd, standing at the altar, waiting for his bride.

He's a good man, Amy knows. One of the best she's ever known. He'll never hurt Karma, he'll never call her names or laugh at her and she knows Karma still gets those butterflies every time she sees him.

(Though, thankfully, not the way she once did.)

The music starts and Amy takes Karma's arm and they're moving, slowly but steadily down the aisle. Amy keeps her eyes on the altar, on a spot just in front of it, letting it draw her in, closer and closer and closer still until they're there and Rev. Berry's voice stirs her from her daze.

"Who gives this woman?" he asks and Amy looks up at him and at Todd and back at Mrs. Ashcroft (and the picture) and Anna and then finally at Karma.

"I do."


End file.
